The Most Rewatchable Network Procedurals
Waking up each morning and remembering I’m living in a post-24-episode-season world is a tough pill to swallow. Like I’m an amnesia patient having to relearn the fact that a dear family member of mine died years ago. No matter how hard you will it otherwise, they’re not coming back to life.
The Golden Era of Network Television is not coming back to life.
We haven’t lost the art of appointment viewing entirely—the last season of Severance and The Pitt proved that to us this year. What we have lost is the reliability and predictability of TV shows. Up until about 2016, network shows got 12 episodes from September to December, a brief holiday break, and 12 more episodes from January to April before stopping for summer. Something terrible was always going to happen at the mid-season finale (Episodes 11 or 12) and the season finale (Episodes 23 and 24), but you came to expect it, which took some of the edge off. There were Christmas episodes and Valentine’s Day episodes and filler episodes that tended to be silly and meaningless but necessary to fulfill that 24-episode order. Every weekday at 8pm something good was always on. The choice about what to pick required serious consideration, even if you DVR’d everything anyway. The 9pm and 10pm slots were reserved for slightly less family-friendly material, à la Scandal or Law & Order SVU. If your parents were feeling generous on a Saturday, you might get to stay up until midnight to catch Saturday Night Live. These are the things I want to remember about network television when I’m gray and old and “TV” is a microchip you insert into your brain or something.
Some sources close to me have alleged that I’ve “been on a bender” these past few months, regarding my “obsessive” TV watching habit. While I cannot confirm nor deny this, I will admit my recent actions are largely unjustifiable. However, I can present something a teeny tiny bit productive to show for it: a list.
Let me briefly break down why I’ve chosen “network procedurals” specifically. As a snob, I draw a pretty distinct line between network and cable shows—“network” meaning the Big Four (NBC, CBS, ABC, and Fox) and “cable” meaning channels like USA, CW, HBO, and MTV. Network shows were more traditional, structured, and mild-mannered, whereas cable shows were wild cards (e.g. Teen Wolf on MTV and Game of Thrones on HBO). Though, those stereotypes have now been thrown out the window with the advent of shows made for streaming. I think what was “edgy” on cable is now the norm on streaming. I digress. I’ve picked network shows out of the heap because they’re so deeply familiar to me, so endlessly easy to watch. You know exactly what you’re going to get every time and that’s the beauty of it.
And by "procedural," I mean the case-of-the-week, stand alone episode style most popular with police and medical shows. The plot is open and shut in 45 minutes and you don’t necessarily need to have seen the rest of the season for the episode to make sense. The alternative is a serialized format, like West Wing, Gilmore Girls, and How to Get Away With Murder, where the plot is continual throughout the season, allowing for more complex, long-form storytelling. Don’t get me wrong, I love serialized dramas—I just don’t find them to be as rewatchable. Those shows require a little more buy-in. Procedurals, on the other hand, let you pop in and out as you please. Zero stakes. A rewatcher’s dream.
Enough about the schematics of television no one asked for. Here is my list. I considered attempting to rank them, but that felt needlessly exacting. I’m not blowing any minds with this list. You’ve all heard of these shows. I merely offer a reminder.
If you’re looking for a quick escape, something easy to throw on in the background or in front of sensitive groups (children or elderly people), might I suggest:
X-Files (1993-2002, 2016, 2018) — Fox
The ‘90s. Aliens. When the FBI meant something. What more could you need?
Bones (2005-2017) — Fox
Steady and reliable, yet never drops in quality. The serial killer plotline haunts me to this day…
House (2004-2012) — Fox
Pretty much invented the modern day medical drama as we know it. First three seasons are perfect television if I’ve ever seen it. Also, check out the abbreviated season 4 to see how the show brilliantly navigated the 2007-2008 Writer’s Strike.
*Not all episodes are easy to watch (some are actually quite upsetting), so bear that in mind before throwing it on for some casual viewing.
The Mentalist (2008-2015) — CBS
I wanted to watch this so bad when I was 13, except I couldn’t find it anywhere (the innocent pre-streaming days), so I begged my parents to buy the first two seasons on iTunes for me and then I couldn’t sleep for weeks because I was so afraid of Red John.
Grey’s Anatomy (2005 – Present) — ABC
To protect your sanity, stop before you get to Season 10. Better yet, stop before Season 8.
Castle (2009 – 2016) — ABC
Besides Mulder and Scully, Castle and Beckett have the best chemistry on any one of these shows. If my memory serves, it might have something to do with the actors dating in real life and then breaking up and hating each other. Rife with tension all around!
ER (1994-2009) — NBC
This is like The Pitt before there was The Pitt except not quite as good as The Pitt but still really good. Not enough people my age have seen this show or appreciate it for kickstarting George Clooney’s career.
That’s all from me, folks. Forgive me for excluding Law & Order and its iterations, which certainly rank among the top network procedurals of all time. I just don’t like it!
My cable procedural honorable mentions: Psych (2006-2014) and Suits (2011-2019) both on USA.